Horrible Hanoi (25th September - 30th September 2006)

Again we avoided the land crossing and flew into our next country. This made it a lot more expensive, but when we looked at the map and saw that the only land crossings that were open with half decent bus routes would have us coming into Vietnam at about Hué which is half way between Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC) we decided that it was worth spending the money. The country is really long and thin so if we took the land crossing we'd have to drive for 15 hours north to Hanoi and then come all of the way back down again - so we took the easier option. Another early start as the plane was leaving at 7.45. Great tuk tuk ride out to the airport though, it was just after 6.00am and the streets were empty, the air was cool and there was just a handful of people out doing their exercises in the park as we drove past. Some walking, a bit of running and a bit of Thai Chi. Vientiene airport was a lot better than we'd been expecting, everything was shiny new and the little cafe actually provided decent bread, eggs and coffee.

Landed at Hanoi and lots of officials in their green uniforms were everywhere looking very serious so we were too nervous to even smile. The guide book that Andriy had given us was from 1997 and it told us how the officials were corrupt and that the process of getting into the country could be very time consuming, probably even worse than getting into Bermuda. We knew that things had changed a lot since 1997 but we were still a little worried about how long it would take. In fact it was a breeze and the only people that were even slightly rude were the group of lawyers that were on our plane. Nothing too bad, but enough to rile us Brits, you know, pushing in front of us at the luggage carousel and not saying thank you, that sort of thing. Vietnam Airlines do a minibus to the city centre for $2, so we found this and sat on it waiting for the bus to fill up. It was great to avoid what was sure to be a taxi ride that would rival the cost of the flight. While we were waiting we saw these two security guards stood outside of the airport fully kitted out with guns and truncheons holding hands!!! I'm sure that the only time that you'd see men in uniform holding hands in London would be if they were part of a Village People tribute band.

When we got into the city centre and tried to get out of the minibus there was absolute mayhem. They have these motorcycle taxis, which are exactly what it sounds like, a guy on a bike giving you a lift. There was no way we were going to take one though, especially with all of our bags, but the bus was mobbed by about twenty guys all trying to get you to use their bikes. It was crazy, I have no idea where they all came from, I think that some of them were actually following us from our previous drop off!! Eventually we managed to pick our way through them all and started to walk the streets trying to find a guest house. The streets in Hanoi are just the normal 2 lane roads but there are hundreds of motorbikes and bicycles everywhere and they're crossing all over the place, continually beeping their horns. There is definitely a system and it obviously works as we didn't see any accidents, but we never figured out what it was. We actually saw one guy in the middle of the road going the wrong way down a one way street beeping his horn as if to say "get out of my way, I'm coming through and what are all of you guys doing going the wrong way". He barely flinched when the car appeared coming towards him! Madness. To make things even worse, the pavements are small, but that doesn't matter because everyone parks their bikes on them anyway so you can't even walk on them if you wanted to. So you spend your entire time walking in the road. Every second we were in Hanoi we felt stressed.

Eventually we found a hotel, the lady at reception seemed nice (maybe because we did her English homework for her) and we got free internet. Then we spent most of the afternoon looking for a Ha Long Bay tour. This is an area about 4 hours north of the city which is filled with three thousand islands dotted with little grottoes and beaches. It was supposed to be beautiful and it was the main reason for us coming to Northern Vietnam. It's also the main reason why a lot of other people come here, so there are hundreds of tour companies that organise 1,2 or 3 day tours, they are all very similar itineraries and prices (way cheaper than you could do it yourself), but we'd heard stories of rat infested boats, overcrowded boats, mysterious break downs, robberies, all sorts. So we'd looked online for a couple of recommendations and we wanted to check these out. Even this wasn't easy. I don't think that there are any copyright laws in Vietnam, so as soon as one company gets a good reputation somebody opens a shop with the same name next door to them, or down the road. Eventually we went with a company called ET Pumpkin, a little bit more expensive than the others, but still only $42 for 3 days and 2 nights including all transport, transfers and food!!! By the time we'd sorted this out it had started to rain, which made navigating the streets even harder so we just walked to Hoan Kiem Lake which was nearby and is home to the Ngoc Son Temple and the Huc Bridge. We wandered around the temple which was nice and quiet and very Chinesey. Nothing like we'd seen so far on the trip - no gold, no buddha images, just lots of red, black and those big funny step doorframes that are supposed to stop snakes, or ghosts, or ghost snakes. Very nice, but it was raining and we wanted to get back to the hotel. Free internet turned out to be a bit of a scam. Seems it's only available when the owners kids aren't playing shoot-em-up video games, so we didn't get much time online. To make things worse our room was directly above the room with the computers and we spent the whole night listening to the kids shooting bank robbers at full volume. Well, until the bugs that kept flying though the window (well where the window would have been if it hadn't been missing a pane of glass) started too really annoy us. Eventually we'd had enough and changed to a quieter room. At least we were leaving the next day to go to Ha Long - we couldn't wait!!

We were up early the next day and walked to the travel agents where we left most of our stuff and hopped onto a minibus that would take us out Ha Long where we would join the junk that would be our means of transport for the next few days. A pretty quiet group in the bus, nobody really wanted to make conversation, the only chat was from the guide when he told us about what to expect on the trip. He also told us how the islands were thought to have been formed - there once was a great dragon who lived in the mountains. As it ran towards the coast it's flailing tail gouged out valleys and crevasses; as it plunged into the sea, the areas dug up by the tail became filled with water, leaving only bits of high land visible.... Yeah I know. There are a lot of legends like this in Vietnam, even the lake we saw yesterday was supposed to have a legend about a turtle and a sword or something. When we got to Ha Long I was amazed at how many boats there were, literally hundreds of almost identical junks, ours was nothing out of the ordinary, but it looked clean, there were no rats that we could see and there were only 15 of us on it, so, so far exactly what we'd been promised. From here the trip just got better. We sat around in the harbour for a bit while our tour guide sorted out some paperwork and then when we got under way the crew started to prepare lunch, some good food, including some tofu for me and some peanuts (this was a bit wierd but for some reason at nearly every meal we had in Ha Long Bay they served peanuts as part of the vegetarian alternative?!). Within minutes of leaving the harbour you could see the islands out to sea and they were amazing. Just massive outcrops of rocks in the middle of the sea, they just look completely out of place. There is only one that is habitable (we stayed there on day 2) so most people live in these floating villages. Basically, floating houses all tied together, we stopped at one of these villages so that some people could go down and see the fish "farm". Most people went down to see it, but I don't think that anyone actually bought anything. After lunch we cruised around some more islands, and a few people went off on a little boat to a small cave. Then there was "Amazing Cave" that we all got to see. And it lived up to it's name. Lots of stallegtites and stallegmites, but a few too many people touching them from other groups, so not sure how long they'll last. Eventually we found ourselves in a large bay where we were going to anchor for the night. While we were here we went for a quick swim and a bit of a kayak. The kayaking was great, they were 2 person kayaks but smaller than the ones that we'd tried to use in Bermuda, so we actually went the right way instead of spending an hour kayaking sideways. We kayaked into a small cave that came out into a beautiful lagoon that had formed inside the island. It was so quiet and the sea was as still as a pond. By dinner some of the group had become a bit more chatty and it turned out that some of them would be leaving us in the morning as they had only signed up for the 2 day trip. Worked out quite well because it meant that we were left with the best people in the group, a Finnish couple (Markus and Suzanna), a Spanish couple (Ramon and Nuria), a Danish couple (Rasmus and Katherine) and Toby from Belgium. The cabins were good, clean and cool with everything that we needed.

Up early the next day for breakfast and a cruise to Cat Ba island which is where we'd be saying goodbye to the 2 dayers. We transferred to a minibus and drove about 15km to the National Park where we were going on a trek. This was the only bad part of the trip. We'd read about waterfalls and wildlife and lots of cool stuff that we'd be able to see. All we got was a walk up a hill to a viewpoint with nothing of interest on the way up. When we got to the Park we switched guides (ours had gone with the Finnish couple and Toby on a bike ride) and it seemed as if the only thing that this guy could say in English was tree and motorbike. He used them both a lot even though only one of them really seemed relevant on a walk through the forest. He'd walk ahead at a crazy speed, then every 15 minutes or so wait for the last of the group to get near and then leave again, not giving the people most in need of a rest a chance to rest. The only good bit was on the way down when he picked up a land crab. He was all pleased with himself until it bit him!! Ha served him right. The view from the top was impressive, but nowhere near as good as we'd been hoping for. During our visit to Vietnam I was hoping to hurt myself, nothing too bad, just a papercut or something, so that in years to come I can tell our kids about when I was wounded back in 'Nam, but the only casualty in 'Nam was Kamay. She slipped on the rocks on the way down and ended up with a bruise the size of a grapefruit on the back of her leg that is still there more than 2 weeks later!! After the hike it was back on the minibus for a short transfer to the hotel. Nice hotel, but we were on the 7th floor and the lift wasn't working so we rationed every trip to the room the whole time we were here. In the afternoon despite the rain we all went out on a smaller boat where we got to see another floating village, cruised around some more islands and got a bit of beach and kayak time. The area we were in this time was full of little secluded beaches so we toured around these for an hour or so. Meanwhile our guide was busy collecting starfish from the beach. Apparantly these go into bottles of the local whisky and are supposed to help with male virility?! You see a lot of these bottles with snakes or scorpions in them in the shops, but this was the first time that I'd heard of starfish being used. Whatever, I wasn't about to try it.

In the evening Kamay and I took a stroll down the promenade - a bit like Paignton, but with Asians - and then dinner in the hotel follwed by drinks around the corner in one of our guides favourite "pubs". It was basically just a car park where someone had set up some tables, chairs, a long table that acted as a bar and a few barrels filled with the local brew. It was dead cheap, probably about the same price as water and didn't taste much different, so I quite liked it. In the background there was a large projection screen and they were showing the remake of Planet of the Apes. All a bit strange. On the way back to the hotel we all rejected the offers of "Hello, you want massage?"

The next morning was our first real bit of sun, so everyone got a chance for a bit of sunbathing sat up on top of the boat. There was some more cruising around the islands and we stopped off for a bit of swim before heading into the harbour at Ha Long. A spot of lunch and then the minibus back to Hanoi. With of course the obligatory stop at a shop/refreshments place that gives the driver some kind of kickback. With most of the "tourist buses" there are a series of commission scams that mean that the tour comapny gets a commission for stopping at a particular place. No big problem, you aren't forced to buy anything, but it does mean that you end up with a 30 minute toilet stop on a 4 hour bus ride, which is a bit annoying and definitely more than anyone needs. Despite this coming to Halong Bay was a great trip and well worth coming to Hanoi for. So glad that the research paid off, because we did meet people that weren't so lucky with the tour operators that they went with.

When we got back to Hanoi it was time to run the gauntlet again with the hotels. We had an idea of which place we wanted to stay in and it was easily walkable but the whole time was spent declining offers of taxis, motorbikes, hotels and whatever else they were trying to sell. And no one will take no for an answer, they're blocking your way or holding your arm or just follow you down the road as if you were the Pied Piper. Eventually found a hotel - another bad one, as they ended up trying to screw us when we checked out the next morning - inventing taxes and using crazy exchange rates (a lot of things in Vietnam are quoted in US$ but the accepted exchange rate is about 16,000 dong to the dollar - well everywhere except in this hotel). After checking-in we went out to the train station by cyclo to buy tickets for tomorrow's trip to Hué. A cyclo is a sort of bicycle taxi where you sit in what looks a bit like a wheel barrow with a back and padding while someone pedals behind you. Probably safer than the motor bike taxis but still very unnerving to see all those bikes coming towards you as you cross the junction. When we got to the train station even the lady behind the counter stole from us. She quoted us a price for the tickets, we gave her the money (lots of small valued notes here, like in Laos, so we both counted it twice to make sure), she gave us the tickets, we checked the price printed on them and she'd over charged us by about 60,000 dong. We told her and we got 10,000 dong back, when she counted out the money we'd given her it was 50,000 less than we'd actually given her, so she'd slid a 50,000 bill to one side out of sight. So not even a con - actual robbery and she was an employee of the train company!!! The actual amount wasn't very large, but it's the principal. You accept that you'll pay more than locals pay, after all we can afford it, but in every other country it's been discreet and done with a smile which sweetens the blow, but not here - they are just ruthless!!

The train didn't leave until 7.50pm the next day so we had a bit of time to kill at the Hanoi attractions during the day. One of the big ones was Ho Chi Minh's Mausoleum. That's right, just like Lenin and Mao you can go and see his mummified body (despite him wanting to be cremated). Sadly (?) he goes to Russia for a holiday and a touch up every year about this time so he wasn't available for a visit. We did go to see the Museum of Ethnology though. It was filled with lots of imformation about life in Vietnam, especially within the different tribes. Lots on the festivals, what they do for funerals, the making of those conical hats you see in the films (in fact loads of people actually wear these), the types of houses they live in etc etc. Then there was a temporary exhibition on the Bao Cap Years. This was basically rationing, like in the UK during and after WWII. Bits of it were informative but there was a lot of "oh we were so poor". Reminded me a lot of the Monty Python sketch "We were so poor, I had to get up 2 hours before I went to bed, work 26 hours in the mill, pay mill owner for the privelege of working......" After this we hid away in the internet cafe to avoid people until it was time to go to the station. We eventually got onto the train, a 15 hour sleeper to Hué, although by now the actual destination didn't matter as long as it was leaving Hanoi. We were in a 4 person cabin but by the time the train pulled out of the station nobody had joined us. So we set up the bunks, read for a bit and eventually went to sleep, still with no other passengers. In fact we had the cabin to ourselves the whole way. We slept .... ok. But when we woke up it was raining and there wasn't much to see outside, so a bit more reading until we pulled into Hué. So a great journey, nobody was knocking on the door to sell us drinks or food (we actually got given a complimentary breakfast, although we didn't trust him at first having just left Hanoi).

Our entire time in Hanoi was horrible; nearly everyone that we dealt with tried to con us in some way or other, hotels, drivers, travel agents, restaurants, market sellers. So we really couldn't get out of town quick enough. Ha Long Bay had been great and made it worth going to Hanoi for, but if Hué was the same constant hassle we were ready to just fly straight out of Vietnam and into Cambodia. Worst bit is that we'd been told that Saigon is worse, as is Cambodia and India, all places that we'll be visiting in the not too distant future ...... gulp!!!